Playing with your privates at the Chow Hall

Here is part of a letter i wrote to Colby way back when..... about life on the airbase........it was posted before but got lost after the "my war" blog scare


So i'm at the chow hall the other day and i see a couple of soldiers without thier division patch on. And i have been buggin all the army guys with questions to find out what all the patches and stuff mean. (as you probably have guessed....i am not doing my mother proud with that whole "talking to strangers" deal......ha!! ... ) So i was curious weather or not there was a reason not to wear a division patch or if it was neglected in the hurry of a deployment. But the guys i work with thought that...." in the army, not every one wears a division patch....." Well that sounded like a bunch of bull so now i had a point to prove .... And i walked up to the two privates and asked --" i noticed your not wearing division patches, and i was just curious why?".....they tensed up and said "Mamn....we got deployed so fast we didn't have time ...and they weren't sure which unit we would be attached to........and ....." it was funny....i think they thought i was scolding them or something, like i even had a clue or something..... The guys were laughing and they told me to leave the poor privates alone.

It was funny.....i told the pvts that i didn't mean it that way and then they relaxed. I don't know if they actually thought i was scolding them....but it sure seemed like it. Other than that----i discovered one of lifes mysteries while doing laundry the other day...

Did you know it is possible to not only wash but to completely dry a mars bar with your clothes and --it will remain completely intact------ i didn't try the taste test---but i didn't have chocolate on my clothes..... how cool is that?!?!?!? [note to self.......remove food and aircraft parts from DCUs prior to doing laundry.] i always forget that one....
probably no surprise that i don't separate lights -----darks---whites whatever.

Separating laundry to me means there are two categories= reds and non - reds......... (Milky Way bars being a non-red)

Well i have to admit.......i'm really confused about something you said. You said that you have family in the airforce (the smart ones). I understand the part about the family in the airforce. But i dont understand about "the smart ones"

In fact i cant think of a day i have not ended up wondering desperately where are all these "smart ones" that are supposed to be in the Airforce...... I have my own theory on that...........Since you guys are the athletic ones you must be the "dumbjocks"......and since no one was ever accused of being athletic in the airforce......we must be the smart geeks.

But in reality we are not smart or athletic. We at our base have to wear reflective belts dusk to dawn.....and this is a huge issue........Briefed over and over and over ...... so that we dont get hit by our own airforce vehicles at night. ( i have found enemy snipers really appreciate it since we get hostile fire pay here too!!)

And hello!!!!!! Something is just VERY WRONG about going to war to have the biggest hazzard being a little friendly fractricide from our very own dumb azzes driving at night while *SOBER* !!! with their lights on and still hitting us. And hello....it is a big enough hazzard that everyone on the base needs to wear their reflective belt. Hmmmmm...... maybe someone could tell us a little about cammo and concealment before we are all jessica lynched...huh?!?!?

here's another one..........they want us to wear our uniform-- or pt gear..........no more civvies. So they decide to implement this without issuing pt gear, and mid-deployment. Now they only gave me three sets of BDUs. They will give everyone one set of pt gear......So if you actually work out (go figure....something the airforce would neglect to think of)... then what the hell do you wear after your pt gear is all sweaty.( Since we are airforce and we dont believe in that army "all uniform all the time" fun........) And get this.....there reason to not allow us to wear civvies.....it is for force protection! ha! ---Whose force!?!?!? i have found enemy snipers really like it when we walk around unarmed in combat zones with airforce emblazoned across our chests and reflective belts----it helps conserve ammo that would otherwise be wasted on civillians!!!!

Don't laugh at me calling this a combat zone......remeber we have airforce drivers here!!!

Can you believe we actually have a class to get requallified on hangar door operation annually....... Our hangar doors are powered electrically. There is one button to "open"....one to "close" and one to "stop". I know it is complicated and by now i'm sure you are completely lost...........(also keep in mind we shoot m-16 every three years).......Now these doors move at about 2 mile per hour.......and somebody crushed their head in a hangar door& killed themselfs!!!! WTF!!!! So we have annual training......now i'm thinking, if i WANTED to kill myself, i would pick a better way than that. So if somebody is able to smash their head in a hangar door.......we probably didn't want them working on airplanes anyway...hello!.....there is alot to be said for natural selection!!!!!

& i have to ask........Do you have heat stress categories in the army? Yeah this is funny.....we have this thing called "heat stress categories" where someone who is sitting inside in airconditioning determines how stressed i am getting from working outside in the heat............And get this.....they email us to tell us!!!!enough said about that!

So PLEEEEEEASE, fill me in on where all these smart people are in the AF.....i'm too busy with hangar door training , dodging Airforce vehicle operators & running inside to find out how stressed i am from working outside in the heat to find any smart people!!!!