Burn her !!!
waking up at 0300 partly because it is raining and my tent is leaking....partly cuz i set my alarm to hit the gym before work...
A much better idea it seemed before i went to bed...& before the thunderstorms....
so because of the morning person i am not... i drug my unhappy azz out of my bed, & after a quick debate on which is worse....(sleeping in a wet bed or going to the gym)......my motivation won....so i hit snooze and attempted to find a bit of comfort in my crappy little bed in my nice new leaky tent.....and then shortly decided "fuck this" .....so i grabbed my ipod( which isn't actually an ipod but i am brain farting the real name......god i hate that....) and in a few splashes and leaps over some puddles i was at the gym.
I hopped on the treadmill and started to walk for a warmup.... i noticed the annoyinging squish squish sound my shoes made as they hit the rubber treadmill surface....and i noticed everybody else noticing my shoes too as they turned their heads. i felt like a retard, because you are not supposed to wear street shoes to work out at the gym.....and it was kinda hard to be inconspicuous about it.
So i did what any non commissioned officer in the airforce would do.......i pretended i was two. My niece is two and when she gets shy around people she covers hers eyes..
..because if she can't see them......they can't see her......
Well i didn't actually cover my eyes.... but i did not look at them ....therefore they could not see me....
.. there was no way in hell i ran thru thunderstorms and pouring rain at 0300 am to go to the gym to not work out...........so after a quick warmup and a little eye contact aversion.... i started to run. Water squished out with each step as i ran leaving a trail of little footprints as if some invisible man was chasing me ....and i was running away but not getting anywhere....like a bugs bunny cartoon.....(btw please let the record show that bugs bunny kicks azz!)... the thought made me laugh to myself and with that distraction.... i accidentally caught a few evil stares from the conventionally minded who were doubtless appauled at my disregard to the importance of dry shoes......but however lacked the cojones to approach me.....preferring the much more effective (& passive aggressive) management tool ....the dreaded evil stare.......
that made me laugh too
and i continued to run, past the residual sleepiness....past the achy muscles ...past the point where you stop staring at the digital readout....thinking my god will this ever be over..?!?!?!
.......past the point where you stop looking at the digital readout because you feel like maybe it isn't so bad.......past the point where your legs go numb and you begin to feel like u want to run forever and past the point where i should've gotten off the treadmill to get my ass ready for work.
but just a little past, because there was plenty of time left if i hustle.
and so i did.....in fact i hit the showers and i started to walk to work still enjoying the beta endorphins that i wasn't getting from sex....and in the midst of my runners high......feeling very much like running still, i weighed getting sweaty after a fresh shower......with walking to work ...and realized it was the desert and i will be drenched in sweat in half an hour anyway working on the line......so fuck it. I ran. and i got to work 10-15 minutes early, which is standard for my unit. i walked in the breakroom. i am the only girl. So it stands to reason that everybody else is a guy. They are watching porn. i walk out of the breakroom. Most guys would say i am pretty cool........but when i said porn i meant porn......as one guy said..... "the good stuff" and there was .....no flag football there...this was full contact. kinda awkward hanging with the guys who are like brothers ...with their hardons.....no thanks..........not like i care.... but yeah....no thanks
So i try to think of something to do to make it look less obvious that i was avoiding the situation. Outwardly aversion will alert the hecklers instantaneously...and that.....is throwing yourself to the dogs
......so i go check my mail to stall time untill the bosses come in to give the morning briefings..... they will probably turn off the porn then. Sometimes i had mail...sometimes i didn't . so it was hard to keep from looking like i was avoiding them, since the mail place was right across the hangar, and it only took a second to walk there. So i stalled a few minutes before i wandered back to the triple x movie house...our breakroom. The bosses were in there. The porn was still on.
They looked at me kinda funny when i walked in. Probably because there was porn on, and they were not sure what my reaction would be. I thought nothing of it and when the meeting was over I happily went out to the flight line to work. By the time i had gotten in from the line to take a break the porn was off the air so it wasn't a big deal.
This went on for some time until one day my boss pulled me aside and said he wanted to talk to me (my boss was a guy from another unit who i have only seen a few times even still to this day, [ in fact i was one of the few "odd balls" stuck working on this shift as most of the guys from my unit were on night shift. But since this other unit did not have their own engine run qualified people with them....us highly quallified highly motivated individuals got stuck working with these creative nouns instead. ]...lol
So he pulled me aside...i figured he was gonna apologize and ask if the porn bothered me and offer to ban it if i was offended.......well kinda.................
..and by that i mean he actually said to me.......
" Angela, i need to talk to you about your attendence.....you have been showing up to work late, and you need to start getting here on time or i will be forced to take administrative action. there is no excuse for that behavior....."
i was floored.
apparently by getting to work ontime..... he meant skipping my morning workout so i can sleep in and go sit around and slurp fat at the chowhall with the others--& then wait for the bus to drive my happy (and perhaps then fat ) ass to work which will get me there a half an hour early, but hey...it beats walking....and hell , not only do we get to be lazy asshats...we get to hang out and watch porn to boot.
funny though...how my definition of being on time was always being there before it was time to start....which, granted... in the airforce is at least 15 minutes early...but in the airforce reserves is more like 5 minutes early. i was ten to 15 min early....i thought that was on time, (heck some may even go out on a limb and call it early)......and i was fairly certain that at a minimun, being on time was not punishable under the ucmj.
after a brief pause for shock and a quick rebuttal,
the ncoic explained ..."but you have been seen more than once running to work at quarter till......."
With that i wondered if this person had ever done any pt in their life ever....... but his beer gut clarified any suspicians that he might be a triathlete of sorts.....
So ok...... now i lived 1/2 a mile away from work...(the break room specifically)...... so these alleged sitings of said zoomie running to work at quarter till when i am supposed to be there on the hour......hmmmm do the math.......my god if i walked i would still be early....which last time i checked, btw.....is also not ' late'.
His disinterst in my story quickly told me i was not entitled to a side of the story.... unless, of course it was the same as his.....
at that point he gave me a discertation explaining how he outranks me, and then uttered something about insubordination.......
Apparently the ucmj has changed. Defending yourself from wrongful accusation made by those who out rank you is now called insubordination. Damn those sneaky jags....who can keep up?
After impressing me with his keen intellect , so evident in his disertation of rank and insubordination ( yet oddly absent of abusing rank as well as slanderous remarks toward ncos, do i need to continue?!?!?)
anyway...after impressing me with his keen intellect ....
I found his point vaguley remniscent of a movie i'd once seen ....
The Witch: But I'm not a witch I'm not a witch!
Sir Bedevere: But you a dressed like one
The Witch: They dressed me up like this!
Crowd: we didn't! We didn't...
The Witch: And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.
Sir Bedevere: [lifts up her flase nose] Well
Peasant 1: Well, we did do the nose.
Sir Bedevere: The nose?
Peasant 1: And the hat, but she is a witch!
Crowd: Yeah Burn her burn her!
Sir Bedevere: Did you dress her up like this?
Peasant 1: No!
Peasant 3, Peasant 2: No!
Peasant 3: No!
Peasant 1: No!
Peasant 3, Peasant 2: No!
Peasant 1: Yes!
Peasant 2: Yes!
Peasant 1: Yeah a Bit
Peasant 3: A bit!
Peasant 1, Peasant 2: A bit!
Peasant 2: a bit
Peasant 1: But she has got a wart!!!!!!
that time has come and gone.......and oddly as fate would have it.despite my poor attendance for that brief period under their command...i was promoted...and about a year after i had forgotten what an effective creative noun he was....it was brought to my attention that some of the the triatheletes have exemplified thier careers by setting the standard ... and by that i mean they reflected great credit upon themselves and the uniform code of military justice.....and were appropriately rewarded by losing a stripe.........
poetic justice.......or uhhh art imitating life.........
oh .....mp3 player.... yesssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hate that sh!t